The garden is planted for this year… seeds and sets placed lovingly into Mother Earth, surrounded by our hopes and dreams of giant zucchini and juicy tomatoes. And now we weed, water, watch, and wait for God’s great abundance to manifest right here in our very own yard.

In the garden of our hearts, the waiting is done for one dear seedling to bloom. Last weekend, our “baby boy” graduated from high school. For many years, we have showered him with love, weeded out some self-defeating behaviors, and watched the miracle of his unfolding into a fine young man. We are so blessed.

Of course there are tears mixed with the smiles. The job of parenting is to make yourself unnecessary. And when you succeed, it’s a bittersweet achievement indeed.

A milestone can be a useful time to reflect on what you’ve achieved and where you’re going on your Path. Milestones are important to note, but it’s the miles in between that make our lives.

A successful garden takes ongoing maintenance as well as preparation to receive the seeds and new plants. In my garden, that means lots of weeding, mostly grass that has strayed from the lawn… Some of it is monster grass that I ignored long enough for it to get a strong foothold. Really big. Really strong. Godzilla couldn’t pull out a whole clump of it!

The grass has shown me the powers of Persistence and Process.

That grass didn’t get there overnight… it persisted over time. If it was broken off, it grew back. It didn’t put it off or take “no” for an answer! Day by day, hour by hour, it kept on doing its thing, over and over. And the only way to tame it is to show similar persistence in how often I go out there and pull it up… not necessarily for long periods of time, just regular ones… every day or a couple days a week. (It’s like the dentist says about brushing and flossing – visiting the hygienist twice a year won’t make up for skipping daily hygiene.) The repetition is what gets it done.

Now my tendency is to go outside for a marathon session, weed till I drop, nurse my soreness for days, and never want to go back out there again. I suspect that short sessions practiced with persistent regularity would be a lot more effective!

One ad slogan says “Just do it.” But it’s also important to pick a process that works. My other tendency is to want to pull up the whole clump of Godzilla grass at once. Of course, this only leads to frustration and injury. I have, however, learned that even Godzilla grass will yield to a simple process: pull up one blade at a time. Yikes! One blade at a time?! But there’s SO much of it! However, it’s amazing how much can be accomplished by persistent repetition of this simple process. Bit by bit, blade by blade, a small area becomes clear. And that small area becomes a large area… and soon something of your life has definitely changed.

In our lives, rarely do we pull off big clumps of change. Rather the most long-lasting changes are made bit by bit, over time. Take dieting, for instance. Nobody loses 40 pounds in one week… but many people have done it bit by bit, day by day, over a year (which is just how we gained the weight in the first place – cookie by cookie, chip by chip!)

The persistent application of a process could be called a “habit.” Our daily habits create the miles between the milestones, whether in the garden, in parenting, in our job, in our body, in our relationships, or in our inner life.

In the garden of the mind, the sages all tell us the value of persistent practice… daily meditation, diligent watching of our thoughts, prayer, service, etc. All the spiritual processes could be called the hygiene of the spirit. Chad has said that “Unity is a carefully applied program of Mental floss for the prevention of Truth decay.”

Watching your thoughts is much like weeding. You must pay attention to what’s sprouting up in that busy place called your mind, and notice which are weeds. Attention is like fertilizer – whatever you put it on, grows. So you choose to deprive the weed thoughts of your attention, allowing the flowers of happiness to thrive. You can also choose to ignore the process of weeding out your thoughts… but you’ll probably end up with a head full of Godzilla grass, choking out every blossom of joy that wants to burst forth and bloom. Your choice.

God gives us the garden to play in… we choose how to walk the Paths. “As you sow, so shall you reap.” And as you weed, so shall you harvest.

When I first began writing these articles, our son Michael was a tiny baby. A few very short weeks from now, he leaves for college. As the Judy Collins song says, “Who knows where the time goes?” It sure went fast around here.

This is a poignant time for me. He’s packing up his room, storing away his childhood, for he will probably never really “live” here again (except for vacations) and we may need the space for Grandma to move in. Life is changing, and changing so fast. The seasons seem to whoosh by.

As songwriters will do, I wrote a song for his high school graduation.

As a parent, I’m gradually working myself out of a job.. and that’s exactly how it should be. We do our best to give them what they need to succeed and then it’s time to release. The baby birds must leave the nest to fly… even if some of them have to be pushed! (If any of you have adult children living in your guest room, say “amen” to that thought!)

With this one at least, we’ve sailed through the teenage years that are so rocky for many families. At the risk of eating my words when the next one hits high school, perhaps I’ll share a few thoughts on parenting a teen.

Hold lightly. What if you had a tiny bird in your hands? If you squeeze too tight, you run the risk of crushing the wings of spirit that let her fly… or of bringing out the fight as s/he pushes to get free.

...but DO hold. You are there to be the support, the grounding point, to be the home to come back to when the world gets confusing. Make sure that your teen knows s/he has a safe place to land, that you love and accept him/her NO MATTER WHAT, that you will be there. Express your caring to make sure s/he knows.

Trust your teen. If you’ve done your job, trust that s/he has absorbed what s/he needs to know. Teens want to treated like adults, even if they don’t always act like one. Do you know any adults who like to be saddled with Mickey Mouse rules? How do you feel when someone treats you like a child? So give them plenty of space to make decisions on the small things… so that you will be included in the decisions on the large things.

Pick your battles. Ask yourself questions like, “Is this worth fighting over?” A few things are. Most are not. They’re just you repeating your parent’s idea of parenting or hanging onto your cherished opinions.

Talk to each other. Realize that teenagers are not particularly scintillating conversationalists, so you’ve got to ask questions and draw them out. But bite your tongue on the criticisms, and try not to preach… or they’ll shut down and you won’t get a chance to hear what’s really going on. You’re looking for a dialogue, not a monologue. There is a difference between “interrogation” and “conversation.” Which do you think will give you the most truth? Teenagers give you plenty of opportunity to practice not getting stuck in judgments. (Isn’t God kind?)

Peer pressure works best on people who are insecure and who don’t think for themselves. If you want him to think for himself, then you’ve got to let him practice it. Including rejecting some of your ideas…(sigh.)

Lighten up. Most of this stuff is not nearly so serious. Try to remember what YOU were like at this age… and trust them anyway! Remember that in the Middle Ages, they would have been married by now. Biologically, they’re grown up - which brings me to…

Sex is not really the problem. Risky behavior is. The only thing that really prevents pregnancy or STDs is information. Get them informed… at an early age. Be brave: put “Joy of Sex” on a bookshelf where they’ll find it. Ask questions that embarrass them. Talk about consequences. My wish is that my children will derive great pleasure and deep joy from their sexuality… in healthy ways, at appropriate times, and with a loving partner.

Be a parent. Not a buddy, not a judge, not a teacher, not a cop, not a therapist. Oh, each of these things creeps in from time to time, but a parent is greater than that. Let yourself be spacious and open.

Be honored to be a meaningful part of the formative years of this human being’s life. When you are included, be grateful. When you are not, watch and wait, with eyes and heart open.

Remember, “This too shall pass”… and sooner than you think.

"The willow which bends to the tempest, often escapes better than the oak which resists it; and so... it sometimes happens that light and frivolous spirits recover their elasticity and presence of mind sooner than those of a loftier character."
~Walter Scott

"Relationships are where you discover who you are. They push you to the limit, let you see yourself like never before, and help you define what matters most."
~Rhonda Britten, Fearless Loving

"If you find yourself in a hole,
the first thing to do is stop diggin'.."
~Will Rogers