As parents, we wish every advantage for our child, every blessing, every happiness. It is not always in our power to bestow, but we make daily choices of "what’s best", always hoping they are the right ones, especially when we are flying by the seat of our pants and in opposition to current childcare "psychology", such as opting for a family bed. Sometimes, it takes years for validation to manifest, which may only be reflected by the fact that you have raised a good kid, a child everyone likes, a spirit you yourself like, and a being who also likes himself or herself.

When you reach that point, it is reward enough. But icing on the cake is when other parents, younger than you with toddlers or babies in the womb, ask what you did that worked so well—or when a newsmagazine prints an article which substantiates a practice you’ve adheared to, such as limiting or excluding television viewing. Since this is the time of Christmas giving as well as New Year’s resolutions, I thought I’d like to share some of my thoughts on combining the two in a manner that limits television dependency and gives your children the greatest gift of all—your time and your concern.

First, a generality. Many parents use television as a babysitter when they are busy and need a break. Allowing an instrument to take junior off your hands becomes habit forming, especially since junior just loves being mesmerized hour by hour—quiet, happy, seemingly having a wonderful time. Parents can justify the practice by only allowing educational television viewing which will challenge the child in positive ways—at the start. The problem is, once the habit is formed it grows like a smoker’s addiction, craving more stimulus and upping the ante. Even Nickelodeon has 4.5 hours of "quality pre-school shows daily" according to Newsweek’s November 11, 2002 cover story. But how many parents bother to sit down and watch the program with their child? The following is that article’s User’s Guide for media literacy from page 55 and my responses:

SET LIMITS: Pediatricians discourage TV for kids under 2, and ration older children to 2 hours screen time, including video games & computer access. This should be set in stone.

PULL UP A CHAIR: When parents watch with their children they interact and open lines of communication. This is number one in my opinion. During the year that Lyric watched Sesame Street and Fraggle Rock, I was often there with her answering any questions or chatter as it came up. When we decided to do away with television and use videos as rewards (which fits that 2 hour or under rule) it made the transition of talking about what we were seeing even easier. I’ve met parents who say they don’t know how to talk to their teenagers, but I’ve found it isn’t a problem if you set the stage while they are infants and adhere to the practice of keeping open the lines of communication.

NO TV IN BEDROOMS: The article states half of our children now have bedroom TVs which leads to unsupervised viewing and overload. from the time Lyric was born I read to her, sang to her, or we made up our own bedtime story until she became such an avid reader that she would choose a chapter book before bed. One of the stages in this progression was her reading to us, an important step in establishing the joy of reading books.

USE TV-BOOK SYNERGY: Much of children’s programming comes from books and they can be explored in depth after viewing a show. The article continues that when children watch TV their recall is amazing. When Lyric was three, she watched Disney’s Sleeping Beauty three days in a row for her allowed video. On the third exposure, she came downstairs holding a yardstick in one hand, wearing one of my silk bed jackets, walking with a regal air and espousing all of the lines from Malificent’s tirade at the King and Queen for not being invited to the Christening of the baby, which resulted in her casting a spell for the child to prick her finger and fall into a permanent sleep by her 16th birthday. Lyric had it down pat, word for word, truly amazing me. Needless to say, Disney books and videos were her favorites. Once I had viewed and discussed a video, I felt comfortable with allowing her to watch it over again on her own. (This is where you can grab that free time you need!)

By limiting the hours we allow children to watch a screen, we encourage them to actively use their imagination the rest of their waking hours. Recently, I’ve read interviews with children who say they preferred the Harry Potter books before the movie because their minds conjured such stronger images. (Pun intended.) This supports the fact that I’ve never yet met an adult who liked the movie version of a novel better than the book. When the mind is given free reign, it can invent worlds beyond the scope of celluloid!

There came a time period when Lyric grumbled about being media-deprived and avidly sat spellbound in front of the TV at other children’s houses on sleepovers. I’d pick her up in the morning with raccoon-circle eyes and tales of what cool things they saw on HBO once the parents went to bed—or sometimes in the privacy of the child’s room. At this stage I realized that I couldn’t protect her from violence or sex in our culture, but I could give her my take on it. She was never afraid to tell me, afraid to talk, knowing our conversations were between us and I would listen. Her friends’ parents may have turned a blind eye, but that was not my concern. In the same sense, not allowing your children to ever watch television in any form, even at a friend’s house, puts you in the bad guy seat—or at least a weirdo—and may cause your child to be ostracized. By your having input and choosing your family’s movies, you can make it a positive and a special aspect of family life instead of a daily routine of pablum. Once homework became a focus for Lyric, videos took hind seat and were often our weekend entertainment, unless we opted for a game of cards. On page 60 of Newsweek, it states that the average child age 2-to-11 watches 3-hours-and-16-minutes of television a day. That’s 22¾ hours a week, almost a full 24-hour day! And what do they take away from that viewing? How has it helped them grow, educationally, emotionally, or spiritually? Added to this is the stress of heavy competition for top colleges and scholarships once the child reaches high school. Will the teenager opt for less sleep to be able to study and to watch his or her favorite program, especially if the rest of the family is watching television?

In a culture where "the boob tube" is invasive just about everywhere we go — from airports, to restaurants, to our neighbors' homes (I have never understood why we’ve been invited to dinner and the TV was running the whole time we were there, forcing us to talk over its background noise and watch everyone’s eyes slide to it like a magnet in every conversation lull), we need to find our own limits and those we wish for our children without being so set in our ways that we increase our stress or theirs.

Television is a major force in our life because it sells us things, usually what we really don’t need in the first place. I coped with that aspect in another way, offering Lyric the cost of what I felt was reasonable for say, a new pair of tennis shoes that were sturdy and strong, but not the "added-on" cost of name recognition. When I explained my stance, and told her she could use her own saving to pay the difference to wear someone’s billboard, it sunk in. She may spend more than I would for a certain type of jeans to compliment her figure, but you can bet it won’t have a name brand pasted on the pocket.

One of Lyric’s fears as she left for UNC-Chapel Hill was that her dorm roommate might have a television—and she would fall into the habit of watching it. Luckily, she has a room of her own without a TV, and for entertainment she and her suitemates go dancing. Or, on rainy cold days, they rent a video. She told me recently that she doesn’t know if she will ever have children but if she does, she won’t have television. That was the greatest acknowledgement of our choices that we could have ever received.

So this Christmas, think about combining your Christmas gift with your New Year’s resolution, and dump program TV. Your children learn by your example. Curl up by the fireplace and read a book. Spend the evening playing cards, or watching a family video together. Tell stories, or watch old family movies. Play music and dance! Give your family the gift of your attention; you won’t regret it! 

~ Gabrielle M. Thompson, 2002
© 2002 Gabrielle M. Thompson

Gabrielle Thompson lives with her husband Ed and daughter Lyric in the mountains of western North Carolina at Eco-Cove, a 117-acre wildlife sanctuary and trout farm. She has a degree in Anthropology, works in the library at the local community college, and is a free-lance writer. Previously, she helped Ed build, sail, and charter the 75' schooner, SATORI, for 14 years in the Virgin Islands. Gabrielle's first novel is called Adventures in Paradise. "...keep me in your thoughts & prayers until I get an agent & book deal!"