As a child, I recited a poem of girls being "sugar and spice, and everything nice," while glibly smirking with a sense of superiority because my older brothers’ behavior certainly mimicked the "snails and puppy dog tails" aspect of the poem. It was the fifties. By the time I reached puberty, I delighted in wearing lace, high heels, nylons, gloves, and fancy hats to church. I knew better than to chew gum in public (and risk being compared to a cow chewing cud.)

By the late sixties (my high school years) I gave up lace for denim (although dresses were still mandatory in classes), high heels for sandals, nylons for pantyhose (still mandatory at school), and the gloves-hats-church combination disappeared except for Easter Sunday service. I skated through high school without mishap—the closest I came to trauma was when the girls in the locker room decided to toss me outside during the senior lunch (which corresponded with my tenth grade gym class) in my bra and panties. It was tough being big breasted in the pre-silicone era.

I went on to college in the California University system, working my way through school while living at home, and enjoying the freedom of college life. Rather than join a sorority, I became a Little Sister of the Golden Heart—read that "date"—for Sigma Phi Epsilon fraternity. They were often called "animals", but I missed most of the parties that earned them that reputation, the worst of which having been a "pig party" where brothers invited the most homely girl they could find on campus to a keg party at the frat house and, at the end of the evening, told the girls why they had been invited. They left them there to find their own way home and all went to a local bar that seldom checked ID’s. The girls trashed the house, breaking furniture and cabinets, to retaliate. I believed it served the Sig Eps right even though I was amazed at the destruction the girls had done to the house.

In my era, girls seldom "acted out" unless provoked or scorned—and our idea of retaliation was usually covering someone’s house with toilet paper. I am not saying that girls were any better than boys, or necessarily more well-behaved, but we were less prone to fighting or violence to settle issues. It was before "reality" TV, where people eat and do gross things for coverage on a national level, or where women compete for a man by treating each other with contempt and catty comments to try to prove they are "better" choices.

I can not help but wonder if there are going to be any constraints left in our society when our children are constantly bombarded with violence and debasement in their own homes. Our acceptance of this form of "entertainment" has, I believe, led to the recent horror of the girl fight of Glenbrook North High School near Chicago. Is this what our society is coming to—anything goes? Is it okay to abuse someone because they stole your boyfriend? Or, because the girls who were in charge of picking the new initiates last year were a little rough, does it become acceptable to take it further and smear the new initiates with paint, pig guts, and human feces? Or, smash them with a baseball bat (oh, but first let’s put a metal bucket over your head for protection!) to the point of hospitalizing five of those who wished to be a part of the group?

If you read my column, you know I am an advocate for NO programmed television in households, and the use of VCR or DVD viewing as a family social hour/reward. Better yet, play games: cards, backgammon, or board games. Read, and encourage your children to do so; it is the best gift you will ever give them. And, talk to one another. Without television, family meals offer camaraderie that will strengthen the parent-child bond and encourage communication throughout your lives. These are the memories your children will have of growing up in their family—not what was happening on Temptation Island.

In Barbara Kingsolver’s Small Wonder collection of essays (read anything by her and you will not be disappointed) she refers to TV as the one-eyed monster, and takes the same stance I do regarding television and news (read a weekly news magazine about a week after publication and you can skim what is relevant). Statistics she uses support our reasons: Since 1957, the average household consumption has doubled, without any increase in measured happiness. However, the perception of need (read that amount of money to be happy) has also doubled. On the average, Americans watch television 3 hours and 46 minutes a day. A one hour documentary offers only 15 to 20 double-spaced pages of information. She states we can read 3 to 5 times as much material in that time. Regarding Littleton, Colorado, she refers to a workshop she was doing for teachers at the time. In her house, "nobody kills anybody" so there was not the trauma in the family of having watched hours of talking heads expounding on that mayhem. She relieved the teachers of their fear when she said the real probability of the children in that school being shot was about as likely as being bit by a rattlesnake while waiting for the school bus.

Another comment she makes that I would like to share is, "Anyone inclined toward chemical sedatives might first consider, seriously, turning off the TV." If I asked you, "Would you be willing to shut off your TV for 3 months—absolutely NO TV" if it meant the salvation of your children, would you try it? I lived on a sailboat for twenty years, and without the bombardment of the "boob tube," I came to the realization that television was an invasive irritation to rational thought. I am very aware of how the media manipulates us (from the fear-based news it wants us to hear to the consumerism it expects us to accept as a prerequisite for happiness) and wonder if we will be ever return to a nation that promotes compassion and respect for our fellow man (or woman).

The movie Bowling for Columbine makes the connection between violence, guns, media news, and government fear-based control of our thoughts and attitudes. Its creator, Michael Moore, offers alternative news resources via his web site, michaelmoore.com, as does truthout.com.

I worry for our children. They are our future, and yet seldom are they exposed to the basic tenets of love and kindness, or even the Golden Rule. According to Newsweek, the village president of Glenbrook, Mark Damisch, said about the girls involved in the fight, "These kids were goofs. This is not a morality tale for all of Western civilization. This is about a group of kids who made bad judgments.’ I disagree. How can they make good judgments if they are not given the skills and values to weigh the differences?

As a librarian, I am astounded at how few children even know what plagiarism is, or how to decide what is right and wrong in terms of cheating on papers or tests. If they can get away with it, it is okay in their book. We have had students cut sections out of reference books, which cost hundreds of dollars to replace, because they didn’t want to spend the money to copy what they wanted to use. This resulted in the professor requiring that Xerox copies of all reference works cited to be handed in with the papers—to prevent plagiarism and theft.

Because our society does not encourage respect of other people’s property or person, we cannot be surprised at these attitudes. When we do not stress the learning of the history of civilization or the acceptance of basic morals and instead allow television and media to raise our children, can we be too dumbfounded by the results? Shall we continue to allow our children to be molded by the mores of consumerism and stupidity and accept those values as our own? The choice is up to you. 

~ Gabrielle M. Thompson, 2003
© 2003 Gabrielle M. Thompson

Gabrielle Thompson lives with her husband Ed and daughter Lyric in the mountains of western North Carolina at Eco-Cove, a 117-acre wildlife sanctuary and trout farm. She has a degree in Anthropology and is Coordinator of Library Services at McDowell Technical Community College. Previously she helped Ed build, sail, and charter the 75’ schooner, SATORI for 14 years in the Virgin Islands. She is a freelance writer and has written two unpublished novels. In December 2002, she had an article published in Moments of Grace Magazine, with an introduction by Neale Donald Walsch.