"A Woman’s Mid-life Treasure Hunt
- Seeking G.O.L.D.©
Growing Older With Loving Dignity"

Being raised in a family, not to mention the American culture, where youthful beauty, weight and skin condition are revered, I faced quite a challenge when I entered mid-life. Gray hairs began to reveal themselves as I neared forty, and now at fifty-one they form a consistent and obvious pattern throughout my dark brown hair. They have clearly made their hearty presence known.

“We have arrived,” they shouted, “and are here to stay as evidence of your entry into mid-life, unless you do something to hide us.”

Having one foot stuck in my upbringing and the defining cultural norms, and the other in a world tremendously influenced by my spiritual path, I became involved in a powerful internal struggle. I wanted to answer to my more evolved side.

There were few role models in my immediate circle to turn to for guidance. My gorgeous eighty-two year old mother has always been mistaken for at least fifteen years younger than her age. She has never willingly revealed her age to anyone outside our family. If any one of us leaked that information, we dealt with her wrath. Good Italian genes as well as a fairly healthy lifestyle have allowed her charade to go on until very recently when more wrinkles have appeared across her face and her stomach has become more round than flat. Unable to embrace the reality of her aging, she now resorts to regular botox treatments and contemplates liposuction for her round tummy. This woman, though she has many admirable qualities, has not been my best role model for how to deal gracefully with the impact of aging on my body. Rather, whenever we visit, she spends time attempting to coax me into highlighting away that gray into auburn, while I try staying centered with the way I am.

“It would be so pretty on you,” she says, and I think to myself, but I’m okay with it as is.

The message from her and the surrounding culture is clear: Stay young and you stay beautiful. If you allow age to manifest itself, we will look elsewhere to see what pleases us, Baywatch or Charlie’s Angels. We will do anything to keep from facing our own mortality and the inevitable effects of the circle of life.

Gently leaning into my forties, and firmly entrenched in my spiritual work, I made a commitment to remain healthy, fit, and attractive, while allowing nature to take its course. Yes, I wear some mascara and lip gloss, do yoga and walk consistently, but no nips, tucks, bleaching or deprivation. I made this promise to honor the part of me that knows better.

I made it to help my thirteen-year-old daughter love and accept herself as she grows into womanhood.

I made it because the competition among women in our culture is fierce enough, compounded when older women feel invisible as they are traded in for newer, sleeker models. Women coming of age have much wisdom to impart to the less experienced, younger maidens. An environment of jealousy and mistrust will not allow for this necessary and vital exchange to unfold. If more women accept themselves and discover the hidden gifts inherent in mid-life and beyond, the channels will open, the walls will come down. We will find ourselves connecting with, rather than threatened by women who are experiencing the height of their physical beauty.

To support my commitment to this process, I immersed myself in whatever encouraged rather than denied where my body was naturally headed. I read, wrote, moved and drew. Yes, there are still days when sleepless nights due to the onset of menopause leave me frowning at the shaded circles under my eyes. But more and more I am appreciating where I am. I am owning those lines on my face as roads that I have traveled, places I have been. I am rubbing my soft belly now instead of condemning the place my lovely daughter emerged from. I am moving closer to manifesting who I am inside on the outside. My wardrobe has shifted. It is more vibrant, soft, creamy and sensual rather than snug, short and explicitly revealing. It fits comfortably for who and where I am. No longer am I seeking to continually be noticed by men as I become more visible to myself. I am reaching out and connecting with other women who care about their appearance and are choosing to dance gracefully and naturally into aging. Together we can make this passage smoother, supporting one another as we grow older with loving dignity!

~Di Ucci, MA Ed., of Pathways is a mediator, trainer, facilitator, consultant, and coach with 20 years of experience working with people in transition such as divorce, reconciliation, stepfamily life, new business, reorganization, and aging issues. Di facilitates monthly workshops and coaches women challenged by the aging process and its impact on their physical appearance. For more information, call her: 828-884-7684 or email: fortenucci@citcom.net