It was the worst of times; it was the best of times. It was Christmastime in the realm of a new consciousness. And it was the end of life, as I once knew it, again!

In one respect, I missed the boat. There was an opportunity to transform the event of Christmas, and I didn’t. Of course, the natural flow of my vision quest is to, first, lead me through the magic mirror of transformation; an agonizing reflection of my past ways-of-being, so intense and humiliating, that I am then compelled, not with remorse, but with a passion so profuse, it can only be followed by a glorious rebirth.

So, what is the true spirit of Christmas? It became very clear to me, that it is exactly what you accept it to be. For many -- and I, admittedly, chose to fall into this category for the final leg of my journey, this year -- it is a trial of unnerving intensity, frustrating, confronting, emotionally crippling, and a direct challenge to the strongest of relationships. This spirit is one of demanding accountability.

And the true meaning of Christmas, relative to this consciousness, is no less than relentless self-discovery: How well do I pay attention? Am I a people-pleaser? Am I resistant? Am I cheap? Am I extravagant? Am I reckless? Am I organized? Are my actions controlled by my ego? -- The more I ponder it, the more value I create.

In the future, I prefer to choose a new spirit of Christmas. Peace on earth, goodwill towards men, love and connection, giving -- I just haven’t found these in the established, accepted, practice of Christmas celebration. However, I am intentional about creating it different, next year. First, there will be no materialistic buying frenzy; no inadequacy anxiety, no crushed hearts, no wrong colors and sizes, nothing to return or give away -- and truth to hide.

My new vision of Christmas looks like this: It’s a day off from work, and the whole day is dedicated to connection with people. I am totally prepared. I have created a list of family, friends and associates that I want to call on the phone or see in person. There are some to which I will have written letters, poems, or songs, posted to arrive in time for Christmas Day. I will have taken introspective time to contemplate the value of each of these people in my life; their contributions, memorable moments, warm feelings they have evoked, what I would have missed in my life without their presence; and it will be my intention to convey this value to each of them, such that they get to receive the gift of sincere acknowledgment for the gift of themselves, which they have given to me -- the superlative gift exchange.

If there is to be a material gift given, it will be a token reminder of the relationship it represents, and it will be valued by the thoughts and feelings it evokes. There will be hugs, handshakes, reassurance and bonding. There will even be acknowledgments for passers-by, for every life is significant in the grand scheme of things.

I also envision Christmas as a day of reconciliation; a time for actually causing peace in the world, one relationship at a time. If there are unresolved conflicts, withheld animosities, etc., I will seek to discover my part in their creation, and I will be lovingly adamant about their resolution, even if only within myself. I will commit to be a source of understanding, unconditional love, and whatever else it takes to transform the negative feelings and interpretations that have supported the disconnection. If we can’t create peace with our family, neighbors and friends, how will there ever be world peace?

Henceforth, the spirit of Christmas shall be connection. And the meaning of Christmas shall be that people get to feel loved and that they matter. If we are to have rituals, I promote having ones that support harmonious life and serve the forwarding of our consciousness and humanity.

May the gift you give, be you.

May the gift you receive, be a reflection of your ways of being.