I recently read Wayne Muller's book How Then Shall We Live, which I heartily recommend to anyone. In the book, he tells the story of a man dying of AIDS and having a hard time confronting this fact. To help him, Wayne had the man repeat over and over again, "I may die today."

Now, I am not dying of any disease (or if I am, I don't know it), but nevertheless, I have found that saying "I may die today" is a fruitful practice. Although it sounds rather morbid and perhaps even depressing, I find that repeating this phrase has a calming influence. It reminds me of what is important and what is not.

A couple of days after finishing the book, I left the house to take an evening walk. Exiting my driveway, the words "this may be the last walk I ever take" (a natural extension of "I may die today") entered my mind. Immediately I noticed the beauty of the lighting at this time of day, the colors of my neighbors flowers; I felt the stored heat rising from the dark asphalt road, the rich smells of summer filled my nose; I felt my feet meeting the pavement, I heard the songs of several birds, the bark of a dog. I was paying exquisite attention. I was awake.

Futher applications are obvious. Any encounter with anyone may be the last time I see that person. Am I truly paying attention to them? Am I being kind? How much more appreciative I am when I say, "this may be my last sunset." The difference in feeling that I get when I say "this may be my last Unity church service" and "this may be my last faculty meeting" tells me a lot about what I love and what I don't.

Life is a gift which comes wrapped in the promise of death. In his book, Wayne Muller quotes Shunryu Suzuki Roshi:

Life is like
stepping onto a boat
which is about to sail
out to sea
and sink.

Many of us live in denial of the part about sinking. It takes a diagnosis of six-months-left to wake us up to the fact that, "I may die today." Why wait? We just don't know. The person with the six-month diagnosis may outlive me or you. "I may die today" reminds me to live this day, this moment, with a heightened appreciation of the miracle of life, the pure grace of existence. Enjoy the grace.

~ Don Lander

© 1997 Don Lander

Unity members Don & Linda Lander live in Brevard, where Don teaches Math at Brevard College.