I believe in "love, love, love," to quote the Beatles. It is the single most important gift you will ever give a child. Love includes hugs and kisses, and telling the object of your affection how much you care. Love means being able to say you’re sorry when you blow it and your temper speaks louder than your heart. Love requires respect: respect for the child and respect for yourself and the society that must interact with the entity you are guiding. It is a great responsibility. It entails structure and rules, and the knowledge that each one of us is a special part of this cosmic creation called life. No "one" is better or worse, just another glowing gift in the firmament.

I believe in breast feeding. The bond is so powerful that the memory and connection will last you both a lifetime. There are many more reasons, but that is primary in my mind. Recently, I read an article about a woman who adopted two children from the Orient. She breast fed both the infant and the toddler, who was having a hard time adjusting to her new life. The calming aspect was phenomenal.

I believe in the family bed. As an infant, the baby is at your side, able to "hook on" at whim, allowing a restful night for everyone. But beyond that, the cuddles and strong family bond unite all of you in your world of love. After moving our daughter into her own bed at three, we continued the experience by her joining us for morning cuddles daily when the alarm went off. It was such a joyous way to start the day!

I believe in papoose-style carrying for infants, and hip-carrying for toddlers. With a child on your chest or in your arms, the comfort and bond extends out into the world. A baby hears your heartbeat, feels your kisses brush the top of her head, and knows the safety of your love. PICK THOSE BABIES UP! Don’t rely on strollers and playpens when you can hold them instead. Having raised my daughter on a boat, I loved the ease of a cuddly front-pack instead of a bulky stroller. And when she reached an age where she wanted to explore on her own two feet, a harness was a perfect choice to allow freedom of movement without worrying about losing her over the side or in a crowd ashore. The West Indian population where we lived criticized the "leash," but her arm wasn’t always being held up over her head as she was dragged along, as their children were.

I believe in reading or singing to your child every night before bedtime. If you start at birth, it is a natural part of life, not something you will do "someday." It is a quiet time, a readying for sleep and, again, a time of affiliation. It also imparts a love of reading that will be the single most important aspect of your child’s education. When I hear of parents who worry over getting their children in the right preschool, I can’t help but wonder if they read at home. Books encourage creativity, as the mind is free to "see" all it can imagine!

I believe in a "NETWORK FREE" household. That means NO NETWORK TELEVISION, NO INTERNET. That will be the hardest for most of you to swallow. Television is used as a pacifier; plop the baby down to watch so you can get some work done. But, are our children pacific? Little ones learn what they see. You are the best example of how to live life. How much time do you spend in front of the tube "relaxing?" Does it pay off, or are you more stressed because you never can find the time to do all of those things on your list? Be honest; is there anything worth seeing? As a non-network person, I am totally amazed at the garbage people watch when I am a visitor in their homes. Often, the TV is turned on from the moment they walk in the door until bedtime. Meals are spent with all eyes glued to the box that has invaded every room! You’ll notice I did not say, "NO TV," period. We use television in conjunction with a VCR to experience movies as a family event. It is a source of entertainment, not the focus of the household.

Computers are fine instruments as well. Creative writing, graphic arts, and educational games are all aspects that are allowed free reign. Anything that is needed from the Internet is accessed at my employment at a library. If I did not have any other way to "plug in," I would allow Internet usage by children only if it were monitored by an adult. I overheard one of our library patrons (college male) telling a friend of a long sexual chat he had online with a girl, later to discover she was 12 years old. What kids think might be "cool," funny, or cute can turn into scary, real-world scenarios such as we have just experienced via Columbine High School.

I believe in family meals. I work nights twice a week, but on the other five, I make a "from scratch" meal, and we sit down together to eat and talk about our day. We discuss family issues, we joke, and we send blessings to those who need our prayers. When you look at cooking as an expression of your love for your family, it makes all the difference in the world. It becomes a gift, not a burden. Even if you have to resort to fast food, do it at home, together. Encourage your children to talk to you. Again, it is all about connection. If they experience your love and acceptance, it will make them believe in themselves. It is the foundation of who they are.

I believe in reason, not violence. Hitting or spanking should only be used in life-threatening situations, such as running into the road. However, children need to realize incorrect behavior results in punishment. If being sent to their room means television, stereos, and telephones, is there any lesson in the exercise? The old-fashioned "standing in a corner" would make a better impression. Loss of telephone privileges works well with teenagers. Try to make the punishment fit the crime, in terms of severity. That can be difficult when you are reacting in anger. Often it is best to send the wrong-doer to his or her room, while you think about the penalty. Sometimes the child will come up with a wonderful idea of what is the "right" chastisement.

Lastly, I believe in responsibility. Having to follow rules does not restrict a child’s creativity or emotional growth. It takes thought and responsibility on the parent’s part, though. I never took my daughter into gift stores when she was small, as the compulsion to touch was too much for her to handle. When she reached the age of seven, we began forays, always based on her capability to follow the "no-touch" rule. I was recently on a tour of a fine old home in Savannah, Georgia, where a parent dragged along an unwilling child, to the irritation of the guide and the group. A three-year-old does not care about architecture! Part of parenting is allowing for the child’s needs, even if it conflicts with something you want to do. Find another way (take turns with dad) or move onto something you all can enjoy. Teach appropriate behavior for locations such as restaurants, airplanes, and libraries.

Responsibility for chores and earned allowance are ways to instill the value of money. In our family, we also reward grades. We feel that doing well in school is part of the child’s job description, and hard work deserves payment.