Unity Center
in western North Carolina

Each Christmas time, children everywhere hang stockings on the chimney in hopes that Santa will fill them with goodies, instead of a lump of coal.

Many times we are like those children. We come to life with empty stockings and hang them out for Santa to fill up the emptiness. And often we keep finding a lump of coal.

These days there's a lot being said about the "wounded child," and much of it is very true. When we don't receive unconditional love and acceptance as young children, we often spend the rest of our lives trying to fill that empty place inside where self-esteem should have been. Looking for the Santa who can complete us and fill us up, we make choices based on our inner sense of lack and fear.

As parents, we must understand the importance of loving our children, and expressing that love daily. In the long run, giving our children a foundation of love and self-esteem is far more helpful than all the criticism and corrections we use to teach values and society's customs. We need to fill them with ideas that reinforce all the positive qualities they can possess. Since birth, every night as my son was going to sleep, I told him, "You are a beautiful, magical, wonderful child of God; you are whole and healthy, perfect and complete; you are surrounded by people who love you; you are strong and gentle, full of life and love and laughter; you are talented and smart; you are a gift of God, and we're so happy you came to live with us. I love you." If I forgot, he would ask me to "say the beautiful words, Mommy." Even after five years of almost every night (that's at least 1500 times), he still wanted to hear it again, to take it deeper into the fabric of his being. (If you're feeling empty, try saying those words to yourself in the mirror every night.)

As children ourselves (and we all are), we must stop believing that Santa - someone or something outside ourselves - will (or can) fill us up.

So often we try to fill up the empty stocking with material things, but all the trappings of external success, though they may be fun toys, won't fill up the hole where the feelings hide. Stuffed with gifts, we remain empty.

And we've used our relationships to try to complete our sense of self worth. We come to the altar of relationship with a bucket full of holes, saying "fill me up, please; make me whole." The trouble is, usually the other person's bucket has just as many holes! Occasionally, you'll find someone with a full bucket, but just how long do you think they'll keep filling you up before they run dry?

Of course, we can blame our parents and stay stuck forever. What fun. Just stop to think: how full were their stockings? What did they grow up with? Were they doing the best they knew how? And do you really want to hang onto that lump of coal forever, or would you rather try a little forgiveness and move on?

And so we come to Christmas, when expectations run so high. Once more the stockings are hung and we look for fulfillment. But instead of seeking Santa - all the glitter of the external world - perhaps we should look in the Manger for a different gift.

The stockings may be empty, but the Manger is full with the promise of a bright new way of seeing the world and ourselves. The Baby Jesus is the birth of a new way of being, because He taught us about the light of God that lives inside each one of us. Jesus was a divine shrink who did his very best to show us that our fulfillment comes from inside, that we are all children of a divine parent who loves us unconditionally, and that we have the power and the responsibility to transform the world by practicing love for one another... and for ourself.

Claim your Christmas gift this year. Just look for it in the right place! It's that bright light glowing in the straw, next to the cow, in a humble stable. It's the baby in you, wanting to be reborn into a new understanding that you are a gift of God, whole and healthy, perfect and complete, filled to the brim with the capacity to love.