On my computer desk is my first Christmas “card” of the season: a sheet of white paper with green letters that proudly declares in a 5-year-old’s best printing, “TO MOM I HOPE YOU HAVE A GOOD CHRISTMAS LOVE KATIE.” I doubt that any other Christmas greeting I receive will be quite so dear as that one.

How enlightening it would be to peek inside that little mind and find out exactly how Katie defines a “good” Christmas. I suspect that Barbie dolls would play a large part in her personal definition, but I wonder just what she wishes for me? For that matter, what do I wish for me?

In all the decking of halls, it’s easy to lose focus and get caught up in the trap of trying to create a picturebook holiday with everything “just right.” But I’ve decided that I don’t want this Christmas to be “perfect”... I want it to be fun and meaningful.

When I was a child, there was so much expectation about Christmas... making lists, preparing the cookies and other favorite foods, advent calendars, and waiting for Santa. With such a build-up, no matter how many presents or how great the food or how many activities or how beautiful the decorations, there was an inevitable let-down... the feeling of “is that all there is?”... when Christmas Day came to a close. No matter how much, it was never enough to be The Ultimate Christmas.

Now that I’m a parent, I’m more likely to feel anxiety about whether I’ve done “enough” to make this Christmas special for everyone, and when the Big Day is done, cry “Whew, I’m glad that’s over! Well, honey, we survived another one!” Here I am, surrounded by a loving family and up to my neck in abundance and grace, and I “survived”?! The celebration of the birthday of our Master Teacher, and I “survived”?! What’s wrong with this picture?!

Of course, the holiday holds moments of great beauty and spiritual richness that transcend all the materialism. But I suspect I’m not the only person who can mess up such a beautiful thing with my mind.

Sentience - the ability to be self-aware - brings with it the curse of being able to make that mental leap out of the reality of the Now, and get lost in memories of the Past or speculations about the Future. I doubt that any cat or dog lying at the foot of the Christmas tree ever sullied its experience of the holiday with worry about whether Cousin Sally got the “right” Barbie doll. Animals and very young children have the innocence to experience their present moment with very few judgments... and we adulterated grown-ups cherish the moments when we glimpse that purity through their eyes. But we’re too smart for our own good - we often “know” so much that we enjoy very little.

Consider the traditional Christmas evergreen tree. Fir doesn’t have any value system built up to judge how the other trees are living their lives. Pine might prefer more rain, but doesn’t spend any time pining over the drought. Spruce is planning to be around for the long view of life, and doesn’t get blue over the trivial “stuff” of daily life. And although experiments have shown that plants register energy changes that might be like emotions, I don’t think there’s any envy over who’s got the prettiest Christmas decorations on the block this year. One moment at a time... no judgments... one can feel great peace in the forest.

But life is not all black and white, and sentience is a blessing as well as a curse. Fond memories lovingly re-lived add a richness to our lives. The excitement of joyous anticipation enlivens our spirit. So what makes the difference? The skillful use of mind, as we take dominion and choose where to focus our attention.

So often we think of our emotions like they are an external thing, instead of owning up to the fact that we create them by the way we define our reality. You don’t catch anger like you would catch the flu. There is no anger germ, or frustration bacteria, or disappointment virus! Sorry, but we create the emotions by how we choose to think about our world... and there’s another blessing/curse: oh woe, we’re responsible for our stuff... and hooray, we have the power to change it.

Changing the mental habits of a lifetime (and a society) is difficult and important spiritual work. Many times it feels easier to create frustration than to clean up my thinking. I often tell Chad, “Sorry, honey, but this is not my lifetime for enlightenment.” Trouble is, the only thing harder than becoming enlightened, is what it feels like to stay unenlightened! And so we stumble toward the Light.

So how will I have a “good Christmas” this year? I will try to accept the gift of Jesus by practicing His teachings. I will do my best to stay away from judgment (of myself and others). I will breathe deeply and look for my Center when I find myself wandering into emotional turmoil. I will cultivate an attitude of gratitude for every part in my life. I will X the work and worry out of Xmas, and keep the “Merry” in Christmas. I will look for and enjoy the beauty in each moment. And I will forgive myself when I don’t remember all of the above!

May you enjoy a blessed, peaceful, joyous Christmas!